Every Swingin’ Dick

I’m no less excited about the draft this year, but I’m writing a lot less about it. But I am writing about it, so quit your bitchin’.

1st Round
(1) JAKE LONG - DOLPHINS - T
I’m rarely going to pick apart the idea of selecting an OT early in the draft. I’m a believer in the idea of building a team from the inside out, and the idea that a good line makes the skill guys better. You think Adrian Petersen would be a beast behind the Texans line? Back to Jake though, he’s a good pass blocker and a beast of a run blocker. Good solid low-risk pick.

(2) CHRIS LONG - RAMS - DE
Relentless guy. Not sure he is a pure pass rusher he should be able to get to the QB on sheer determination alone 8-10 times a year. Rather have seen Dorsey here.

(3) MATT RYAN - FALCONS - QB
They really had little choice here from a PR standpoint alone. The rest of the country thinks they are a joke, and the locals are probably still hoping that Vick is their starter in a year. This should put both of those ideas on hold–for a little while at least. I’m not sold on Ryan as a top QB, but I like him better than anyone else at that position this year.

(4) DARREN MCFADDEN - RAIDERS - RB
Scares the hell out of me. I’d have been scared to draft him and scared to pass him up. I’m not sure that he is as good as he showed in Arkansas, and I don’t really know why. I just don’t. But if he is? Whew, he is a monster. I hope that he is, because then it will be fun to watch the Raiders again.

(5) GLENN DORSEY - CHIEFS - DT
See my comments on Jake Long. DT is a little iffy early in the draft, but it seems to me that most of the 1st round DT busts have been guys who left early. Lots of people have injury concerns, but I was impressed that he played through most of them and was still an effective player. Chiefs sit tight and get a great building block for a team that needs a lot of them. Many said that they needed to replace Jared Allen, but I think Dorsey is a much better choice than reaching for an End.

(6) VERNON GHOLSTON - JETS - OLB
Not a big fan. I was screaming for them to trade down here, but alas it wasn’t to be. I hope Gholston proves me wrong, but I’m just not sure that he isn’t another Jason Babin.

(7) SEDRICK ELLIS - SAINTS - DT
Saints trade up for Ellis and address a position of serious need. I didn’t see Ellis play a ton, but he looks like a solid Tackle for a team that could use one.

(8) DERRICK HARVEY - JAGUARS - DE
REEEEEEACH! Harvey wasn’t projected to go until the mid-late 1st round. I wish the Jets would have taken this deal (swap of 1st rounders, two 3rds and a 4th). Sweet Jesus, I wish the Jets would have taken this deal. Ah well. Jags must think they are a pass rush away from a Super Bowl run, and they may be right. If Harvey can come in and get 10 sacks and the Jags can make a run, then who cares about the picks they gave up. But if he doesn’t…

(9) KEITH RIVERS - BENGALS - OLB
Good player, and LB is usually a pretty safe 1st round bet too. Character is reportedly very good with this guy, so I’m not sure why the Bengals had interest :). Depleted LB core up in Cincy, so they get a good player who fills a need. Win-win.

(10) JEROD MAYO - PATRIOTS - ILB
I though Mel Kiper was going to propose to Mayo at some point he is so in love with him. I’ve never been blown away when watching him, but the rest of the Vols defense was so crummy that maybe they just overwhelmed my senses. I defer to the Patriots history of being right about nearly everything.

(11) LEODIS MCKELVIN - BILLS - CB
I’m going to level with all of you: I didn’t watch a lot of Troy football games this year. Sorry. McKelvin was a highly rated CB, and the Bills never have replace Nate Clements, so there you go.

(12) RYAN CLADY - BRONCOS - T
Unlike the Cutler pick a few years ago, I saw this one coming a mile away. That line is getting OLD, and they needed to start replenishing.

(13) JONATHAN STEWART - PANTHERS - RB
Not a fan. I watched a few Ducks games this year and Stewart just never stood out to me. I know he has all the tools and measurables, but I just don’t see them show up on the field. I don’t think he’ll be Cedric Benson bad, but I don’t think he is Adrian Petersen either.

(14) CHRIS WILLIAMS - BEARS - T
The Bears line is even older than the Broncos, and I was glad to see them address it. I know the Bears fans are desperate for a QB, but if they think Grossman stinks, they should get a look at Chad Henne.

(15) BRANDEN ALBERT - CHIEFS - G
Projected to play OT. Another huge area of need for the Chiefs. I think it was Jaws who was saying that the Chiefs can’t even start to evaluate Croyle until they get some players around him. I agree. The pieces are starting to come together though: Larry Johnson, Dwayne Bowe (who I liked last year) and a new OT are a nice start.

(16) DOMINIQUE RODGERS-CROMARTIE - CARDINALS - CB
Another CB who I never saw play. He has more names than most people, so I guess he has that going for him…

(17) GOSDER CHERILUS - LIONS - T
Paraphrasing Mel Kiper here: It’s obvious to me the Lions don’t know what a draft’s all about. Looks just like Damien Woody (who, alas, the Jets just signed) to me. A big guy that can’t really block. Outstanding.

(18) JOE FLACCO - RAVENS - QB
Yikes. The Ravens supposedly love him, I hope they’re right. That franchise has been a QB away from a Patriots-like run for about 5 years. No way Flacco comes in and starts right away, so I’m not sure what the point is. Here is my thinking about Flacco: He couldn’t get by Tyler Palko on the Pitt depth chart. Palko went undrafted.

(19) JEFF OTAH - PANTHERS - T
Traded next year’s #1 to get back into the 1st round. Otah was the last of the highly-rated OT, so it was probably a good move. Worked out well for the Colts last year (Tony Ugoh) so maybe it is a decent move.

(20) AQIB TALIB - BUCCANEERS - CB
Likes the weed. That would be better if he played basketball, right Josh Howard? Looked good at times but didn’t always live up to his hype when I watched him play. Cover-2 defense should help cover up some of his flaws. Did have some INTs and knockdowns, and those can be game changing plays.

(21) SAM BAKER - FALCONS - T
Looks like the second coming (and not because they are both white :)) of Jacob Rogers. Who? Exactly. REEEEEEACH!

(22) FELIX JONES - COWBOYS - RB
I liked this projection when I assumed that Mendenhall would be gone. I still like the pick OK as I think Jones will be a really nice complimentary back and a good returner, but they are nucking futs for not taking Rashard.

(23) RASHARD MENDENHALL - STEELERS - RB
The Steelers get it. Like the Viking last year, they don’t let the fact that they have a RB stop them from taking the best player left. No way Mendenhall should have made it this far (I think the Panthers will regret not taking him instead of Stewart) and the Steelers remedy that.

(24) CHRIS JOHNSON - TITANS - RB
I was really anticipating someone taking him in the 3rd round so I could talk about how he is the next Maurice Jones-Drew and how he was such a bargain. But 1st round? Not so sure about that. He will really need to be the next Jones-Drew to live up to his draft status. Really fast and nifty, I like him a lot. Just not 1st round a lot.

(25) MIKE JENKINS - COWBOYS - CB
Like it. Newman was old when he came out for the draft, so even though it wasn’t that long ago he is already 30. Teams can always use depth in the secondary, and Jenkins is a nice player.

(26) DUANE BROWN - TEXANS - T
Please, please let this be the year that the Texans finally get a LT. They have been trying to fill that position as long as the Dolphins have been trying to replace Marino.

(27) ANTOINE CASON - CHARGERS - CB
A team without a ton of needs, and they were able to fill one here. Drayton Florance left as a FA, so they get a replacement. Like the Pats, the Chargers have drafted pretty well over the years, so I assume he is a brilliant player.

(28) LAWRENCE JACKSON - SEAHAWKS - DE
Went ahead of Phillip Merling who I like a little better. Adds another player to a defense that has become one of the better ones in the NFC.

(29) KENTWAN BALMER - 49ERS - DT
Hopefully he can play the nose for their 3-4 defense, but may be an End in that system. Only produced for one year in college, but it was a good year.

(30) DUSTIN KELLER - JETS - TE
Jets move back into the 1st to take Keller. Really good player that should challenge Chris Baker immediately and give their offense a little spark.

(31) KENNY PHILLIPS - GIANTS - S
Like nearly all the Miami players, had a down year. Looked like a major stud the year before, and probably will be again. That team flat out stunk last year and had to be demoralizing to those guys. Giants needed to replace Gibril Wilson and get a super athletic guy here.

Parcells likely to become the VP of football operations for the Atlanta Falcons.

This is a major get for the Falcons if it is true. Parcells brings credibility back to a franchise that is sorely in need of it. He also brings a keen eye for talent (seen the Cowboys roster lately?) It should put an end to the Vick and Petrino circus that has plagued the franchise for the last few years.

In the interests of full disclosure I will admit to being a big Parcells admirer. He seems to have the respect of both his players and his peers, and has always been able to at the very least right the ship of a crap franchise. He took the bloody Jets to the AFC Championship for cryin’ out loud. With Vinny Intercepteverde at QB! That is a mark of genius.

I’m not saying that Parcells will have the Falcons in the Super Bowl anytime soon, but he should have them respectable within a couple of years. After the joke they have become, that is progress.

*UPDATE*

Aaaaaaaand it’s all moot now. Disregard everything I said above and continue on with your life.

*UPDATE AGAIN*

As suggested by Wood, don’t disregard everything. Just replace Falcons with Dolphins, and Vick with Ricky Williams.

UK player’s mom sees Final Four

Let’s hear it for Kentucky’s newest basketball recruit Alex Legion. Or at least for his delusional “prophet” mom. Here are a couple of choice quotes from the article:

“I’m a prophet,” she said, “someone who can prophesize about your future and what’s going on in your life.”

“The Lord has shown me: They’re going to the Final Four,” she said, before adding a qualifier, “providing they play together.”

“I have spoken these things into existence.”

and my favorite:

“I had no clue Kentucky was a basketball school. No clue,” Annette Legion said. “But God knew.”

I mean really, how would any of us know that Kentucky was a basketball school unless the lord told us?

I officially hate the Kentucky Wildcats until this kid leaves the team. Even though it was his mom spouting all of this rubbish, I just can’t stand the idea that she is able to speak a team’s Final Four appearance into existence. My greatest wish is that UK spends the next however many years as a .500 or worse team. Aw hell, who am I kidding. I can hear the excuses from Ms. Legion now, “The Lord meant the Final Four of the NIT tournament…”

Awesome finish to the MNF game last night. It also left me feeling a bit conflicted. I want to hate the Cowboys, but Tony Romo is making it awfully hard:

“Really, it was four?!?” “Thought there was about seven in the first half…”

Michigan with Chad Henne: 0 - 2

Michigan without Chad Henne: 2 - 0

I don’t want to talk about it.

Upside? Henne got hurt. Silver linings people, silver linings.

Ah, college football is here again. How do we know? Because the University of Michigan Wolverines are out laying an egg on the field. It’s as sure a sign of fall as the turning of the leaves. They were a preseason #5 team and if there is any justice, they will drop out of the top-25 entirely after this:

Appalachian State - 34
Michigan - 32

Chad Henne 20/38, 236 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT.

Yes this loss can be pretty much blamed on the inexperienced (and obviously under-performing) defense, but Chad Heiny has to shoulder his share of the blame. 53% completion against Appalachian State?!?!? Please. Let us pray we have heard the last of analysts using “Henne” and “Heisman” in the same sentence. Unless the sentence is, “Chad Henne has no business being mentioned in conjunction with the Heisman Trophy.” Let me also mention that Michigan went for the two-point conversion TWICE and missed. Oh look! They lost by two points. Nice job, Lloyd Carr.

I’d also love to give a nice “Screw You” to the Big10 network that has pretty much prevented all the people who want to watch Big10 games from actually watching Big10 games.

Jose Offerman went CRAZY last night…

Offerman, playing for the Long Island Ducks in the Atlantic League, homered in the first inning of Tuesday’s game. The next inning, he was hit by a pitch from Bridgeport Bluefish starter Matt Beech and charged the mound with his bat.

Catcher John Nathans was hit in the head and sustained a concussion. He tried to keep playing, but left the game with nausea and collapsed in the dugout, team spokesman Nick Razzette said.

Beech, a left-hander, sustained a broken middle finger on his right hand.

I assume the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have been in touch so they can add him to their “murderer’s row” along with Elijah Dukes and Delmon Young.

From July 9 issue of The Sporting News, the mid-season analysis of the Washington Nationals:

The team’s hitting has been disappointing, and now SS Cristian Guzman will miss the rest of the season with a thumb injury.

They say that like it is a BAD thing. To be fair, he was having a good season (small sample size of 173 at bats mind you) with a line of .329/.382/.468 (BA/OBP/SLG.) However, he has career numbers of .263/.302/.378. That’s a career OPS of .680. .680! Yikes.

Now for the Atlanta Braves tidbit:

RHP Kyle Davies and LHP Chuck James have shown the potential to be reliable starters.

Davies is 4-7 with a 5.55 ERA. He has also given up 90 hits and 49 walks in 86 innings. Double yikes.

Thank all that is good in the world that the Stephen A. Smith hecklers are back! With 100% more sock puppetry than last year.

“I think you know what time it is…It’s time for Steven A. to visit the can.”

*Update*
I’ve watched this clip about six times already today. Still funny.